Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
BRING THE BAGELS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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