i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
