dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
