Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
