stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
