dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
