I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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