I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
