So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
