I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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