i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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