Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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