I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
