I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize