I wish I could teleport
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
