If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
