can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
