dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
