did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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