my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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