I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
