mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
