sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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