K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize