I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
