I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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