that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.