I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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