So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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