If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
