So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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