Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
