I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
