I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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