My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
