I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize