she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
