This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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