Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
