If i come over, it means nothing
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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