my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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