woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
