Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
