I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
