Already got asked if we're dating
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
