The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
