You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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