so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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