im having a threesome with these popsicles
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
