No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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