Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I came so hard my ears popped.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
