what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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