The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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