she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize