CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
