i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
