My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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