it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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