The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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